No. That is why I use my collaborative training when I can, but my 34 years of trial experience in a litigated model when that is the better choice.
But it works in more circumstances than one might think. The key is the willingness of the parties to be guided by a process. The motivation is often to come to a resolution with dignity, and one of which both parties can be proud. Where there are children involved, no matter their ages, often-times the motivation is to do what parents do…..display behavior for their children, even when it is hard, that will make their children do better and be better.
In my practice, I have seen parties overcome very real obstacles and achieve collaborative agreement. Infidelity, unequal bargaining power, anger, sadness, confusion, fear, and mistrust are all part of the divorcing process. Each can be managed in collaboration.
So what makes collaboration nearly impossible? Violence, drug abuse, unmanaged mental illness, urgency to act to protect persons or property.
I urge clients to consider the collaborative method fully, as a “better way” to divorce. Only they can decide if it will work in their particular circumstance. Where it will, we help them get that going. Where it will not, we affirm their choice and help them by using traditional tools and methods.