Some of the challenges to broaching the topic of a prenuptial are the anxiety, fear, and resentment that such a discussion can have, particularly in the heart of the prospective spouse who “has less”. Either or both parties may worry that damage to the relationship on the eve of the “best day of their lives” might be occasioned if money is talked about, future circumstances anticipated, and cogent thought actually applied to the idea, as they anticipate this happy day, someday being under such emotional strife that one party might “pull the trigger” on a no-fault divorce.
Traditionally, prenuptial and post-nuptial documents have either been fully negotiated with each party obtaining separate counsel, and having that counsel exchange letters, phone calls, and various drafts of agreements in negotiating in the best interests of their client, or alternatively the more powerful “future spouse” presenting a document to the less well-heeled prospective spouse and cajoling them to sign a document so that the wedding may proceed.
There is, thankfully, a different option; the method of Collaborative Law. Used to cooperatively fashion end of divorce opting out agreements for many years, Collaboration can also be used in friendlier circumstances to craft a satisfactory
Under collaboration, the image of negotiation between attorneys in their respective offices, jockeying for maximum advantage, is replaced with the image of persons gathered around a conference table, discussing together their wishes and worries, aspirations and anxieties, about their financial future. The “cards can be put on the table”, assets and liabilities “white-boarded” and a full conversation had as to what will serve both person’s interests better than what the legislature has created, resulting in an agreement neither hope to use, but which addresses the vagaries of life.
The result of such collaboration is a calm, well informed and fair agreement that is acceptable to both parties. It is an agreement that is very unlikely to be rejected by a court. Claims of duress, overreaching, unconscionability, or the failure to share fully information regarding assets and liabilities frequently are raised as reasons why courts should reject prenuptial or post-nuptial agreements. In the collaborative setting there are two attorneys, each representing one of the parties, and a coach/therapist to assist the couple in grappling with difficult issues. Disclosure is complete, analysis full, and participation equal. The product of such a process will in most instances be exactly what the courts and legislature intended when they encouraged parties to fashion their own agreement.
While preparing a collaborative prenuptial or post-nuptial agreement will still not be as much fun as planning the guest list, venue or honeymoon, nonetheless it can be an important element to a complete marriage plan, particularly where one of the parties has obligations from a prior marriage, or where there is a substantial imbalance in wealth and future economic opportunity.